Hello guys, is it bad that I am still alive, probably is.

Is there a work environment, where it's only guys, I need to go there to work. History is repeating, and I have yet to learn my lesson from it. And you guessed it, it is regarding a female colleague. As I interact with her more, the deeper I fall, someone please help me.

It's a mindless flow of motion, whenever I interact with her, I will totally forget about the past and repeat my stupid actions again. After some time, I will remember about the past actions and stop myself before I fall deeper. But it seems to be futile, I want to give her my attention.

I thought that my training plan will allow me to flush all these useless and stupid thoughts out, but I was wrong. I keep thinking of her again and again. Is it possible to remove this kind of attraction, this kind of stupid feelings.

Sorry for the terrible English, gonna go back to work, good bye

Hello all, it's almost 1.30am now and I am about to sleep soon.

I'm not sure why, but I got pretty moody today, is it because of her, of all the imagination that I can have happiness with her, that will eventually lead to nothing but despair once I wake up. Guessing it is.

I thought I was over the quarter life crisis, but it feels like it's lingering somewhere, and I had the whole night to re-experience it again. Why is life so meaningless ?

Sometimes, I yearn to see her, but luckily, I am still capable of constantly reminding myself, that people like me, do not deserve happiness, I should rot and die alone, without bothering others.

I have been thinking about planning my own funeral, pay the fees, get everything ready, so I wouldn't be a hassle, even after life.

"If you can choose to be taller or prettier, which will you choose, pick wisely."

Of course, get the height, you're pretty already, to me at least.

Good night.